Chrisian Slater kicks ass

Ah yes, Christian Slater. Once again, i think his name is beyond all definition of cool. If his name was a woman, i would take her out to dinner, whisper sweet nothings in her ear and do stuff to her face involving my wang. Moving right along, he was born Christian Michael Leonard Hawkins on August 18, 1969 in New York City. After a start in 1976 in his TV debut on the ABC soap opera One Life to Live, he undertook stage work including a 1980 stage debut opposite Dick Van Dyke in touring revival of "The Music Man". He made his big screen debut in 1985 in the film "The Legend of Billie Jean". He has since gone on to acclaim in both film and stage roles, appearing in films such as Alone in the Dark, Windtalkers, Pump Up the Volume, Mobsters: The Evil Empire, Cletis Tout and 3000 Miles to Graceland. Though his filmography is not exactly as stunning as it should be, this could have something to do with his 'well tabloid publicised record of alcohol and drug abuse, and a series of high profile female relationships'. That's just fancy talk for 'living it up'. I want one of my kids to turn out just like Christian Slater. I'll make the little bastard watch all of Mr. Slater's films. Or better yet, i'll have Christian come over to my house and fuck my wife. A ha, it's perfect. Where were we...ah yes, the 'abuse'. Well, Mr. Slater's altercations are listed as follows:

• On December 29, 1989, Slater crashed into a telephone pole in West Hollywood, California and then led police on a car chase and kicked an officer.
• On December 23, 1994, Slater was arrested at John F. Kennedy International Airport for bringing a gun on to an airplane.
• In 1995, his ex-fiance, Nina Huang, sued him for palimony. The two reportedly settled out of court with Slater paying Huang $100,000.
• On August 11, 1997, Slater was arrested by police in Los Angeles and charged with three counts of assault with a deadly weapon and one count of battery. Slater, drunk and high on heroin, punched his then-girlfriend, fashion editor Michelle Jonas, in the face at a party and biting a man who attempted to protect her. Slater did not go quietly, but hid in a stairwell and fought with officers, reportedly shouting, "the Germans are coming and they will kill us!" He than attacked a police officer. All the felony charges against him were eventually dropped. He was sentenced to three months in prison, serving 59 days for good behavior
• In 2003, his wife, Ryan Haddon, was arrested for beating up Slater at a Hard Rock Cafe while on a trip to Las Vegas and he later received stitches. Slater has filed for divorce from Haddon for spousal abuse
• On May 31, 2005, Slater was arrested around 1:50 a.m. in Manhattan's Upper East Side, near 93rd Street and Third Avenue, after a woman told police that a man had grabbed her buttocks. She identified Slater as the man. Slater was arrested and charged with third-degree sexual abuse. The following July 14, prosecutors offered Slater a plea bargain but he refused it insisting the charges were false. On September 19, Slater accepted a better plea bargain whereby the charges would be dropped if he stayed out of trouble for six months

Well, it only seems like Mr. Slater is a victim of unfortunate circumstances. This is a cruel, cruel world where using a bit of physical coercion to show your wife/girlfriend what a bitch she's being is labeled 'battery' and 'domestic abuse'. Christian Slater is a good man and if you don't think so, then you're a communist. And communist's DON'T kick ass. And while we're on the topic, Christian Slater kicks ass.